All too often in modern society dress codes are considered irrelevant or not taken seriously or better yet, understood – I don’t particularly know when it became acceptable for people to ignore dressing guidelines. I always make sure to take care when choosing my attire especially for a private event, the host in question has taken time and effort to plan the event you have the pleasure of attending and they have provided a dress code to maintain a certain decorum – it must be followed unequivocally.
In the rare circumstances that a dress code is not provided the guest must follow the general guidelines of dress depending on the time and place of the event, however I must add that suggesting a brief direction is also a form of good manners on the hosts part, to avoid the flood of questions on how to dress to one’s party.
Understanding dress codes
Dress codes however are appropriate to almost everything we do, whether it is a lunch date or a dinner, a school pick up or daily office wear. It is safe to assume that most people understand what a casual dress code looks like, but in recent years I more often than I would like see people coming into restaurants for lunch wearing sports attire because apparently, they are going to their usual work out later, or God forbid came from one, ew! If such a scheduling conflict does occur and even if one has nowhere to change, there are ways to dress up your leggings. I for one can say with confidence do not enjoy going for lunch even at the most casual brasserie and have someone sitting next to me in shorts and running shoes with a gym bag on the floor – this is only acceptable at sports/gym cafes or juice spots but never at a restaurant.
Exceptions can be made at restaurants in the mountains which hikers frequent, in fact there are a few exceptions to the rule, the above mentioned included, the same way a beach restaurant implies the possibility of coming in beachwear. But if one can make up an excuse for the undignified way of dressing for lunch, there is absolutely no excuse for disobeying a dress code for dinner.
As I have mentioned in my article about the Belmond train and its dress codes, I am an old-school girl, I believe in wearing jackets for dinner and bow ties for black tie events. Nowadays, even the establishments don’t encourage guests anymore. I remember a time when my father came to a restaurant while we were on holiday (unknowingly) without a jacket and the maître D immediately brought a jacket and hung it on his chair. When I book a dinner at a fine dining establishment such as Alain Ducasse for example, I know that my outfit will be a calf or ankle length evening dress appropriately complimenting a dark suit that my husband will wear. Unfortunately often attending such restaurants – I am a big fan of fine dining and try to frequent such places 2 or 3 times a year (you want to keep the experience special so it is best not to overdo it) sadly we are often taken aback by some of the guests dressed not only informal but without a care in the World as to how such behavior not only demonstrates their lack of manners but also ruins the experience for others, who may have had to save up sufficiently over the course of months to experience the art of fine dining in a regal setting, which is then ruined by a couple in jeans and a skimpy dress as if they are at a trendy hot-spot in Soho. My disappointment is very much addressed at the establishments in question as they must not only set a strict dress code but also enforce it. I relish in reading guidelines that emphasize that guests will not be allowed in if not appropriately dressed.
Unfortunately, nowadays one of the main issues this stems from is that many think that the lines of dress codes are blurred or moreover the maître D or host don’t even know the norms themselves to enforce them appropriately or they refrain from upsetting the clients who have chosen to disobey the rules, the problem is that it affects the other clients by tarnishing the genuine aura of the evening.
A dress code can be followed without abandoning comfort and preferences. It is a form of respect, manners and makes up the overall experience. Dress codes are a non-negotiable aspect of attendance, and each aspect of our lives has an appropriate attire for it.
Dress code guidelines and types
White tie (formal)
The most rarely requested dress code type of our time is the white tie, which includes a tailcoat for men and a ballgown for women. A ball gown means that a basic straight floor sweeping dress is not appropriate for this event and the dress in question must have a diameter. Similarily for men and tuxedo will not suffice, he must wear a tailcoat and a white bowtie.
Black tie (formal)
The more common evening attire which is often confused with cocktail is the blackn tie, which I cannot emphasize enough is NOT cocktail, this means a woman must wear a long floor length gown below the ankle and the men are required to wear a tuxedo with a black bow tie and shiny shoes.
Cocktail (formal)
The most common evening dress codes these days is cocktail, however the unfortunate part is that it is often used as a substitute for black tie, it is a mystery why people feel they can take it upon themselves to make such decisions. A cocktail dress for women is a formal dress of any length, it can be both a long gown or a shorter dress, and for men this is the sweet spot where they can wear a formal suit but not necessarily a dark one and play around with shirt colours, ties, etc.
Casual chic or otherwise known as dressy casual (semi-formal)
This one is probably one of the most confusing to people, but it is simply a casual cocktail attire. In this case women can wear lighter short/mid length dresses they could otherwise wear for a dressy lunch and men can wear casual jackets, for example linen if it is summer and forget the tie all together. In this case, one has the freedom to experiment with lengths and fabrics, much like a spring fling dress code where light textures and elegant colors take center stage, but must maintain and overall elegant style.
Casual (informal)
Only when the dress codes states casual is it appropriate to wear jeans. Now that I got that off my chest, a casual dress code does not mean you can choose how to dress thereby if you want to wear a formal gown, you can.
This can be appropriate at a restaurant if it is a special occasion for you, but at a private event a casual dress code means you must dress in daily wear, trousers and shirts or sweaters, jeans and t-shirts, anything that you would wear on a normal day – not sportswear. As being overdressed is just as bad, as being under dressed, please do not rely on the popular quote by Oscar Wilde “You can never be overdressed or over educated”, while this statement is true in theory, in practice a well-educated person with a strong knowledge of etiquette will refrain from stealing the show from the host by dressing overly formal in a casual setting which will raise eyebrows and draw to discussions about the guests outfit. That can happen within the given dress code, which is not what I am referring to, but a willful disobedience of the hosts wishes. However, if a guest does so unknowingly it is appropriate to apologize for not reading the dress code correctly or even politely mention that the dress code was not mentioned.
Themed dress codes
When a host or establishment mentions a theme, usually it must come with a guideline as to in which category it must be executed in. Such as, if you are attending a Halloween event the dress code can vary from scary, to kinky to anything really which can be interpreted in any way one may like but it is also most commonly in the evening which implies a semi formal dress code. For a host I would recommend a mention of the category formal, semi-formal, or casual but if there isn’t one, as I have stated in the beginning of this article one must choose their outfit based on general guidelines given the time and style of the event. If it is a children’s party at a kid’s club surely a casual fancy costume dress would be appropriate, however if you are attending a Halloween event at a member’s club late in the evening you would most likely be expected to dress in a semi formal fancy costume.
Regardless of the event and the style of the event, not following a dress code is bad manners and is a non-negotiable part of our lives and social norms.
Check out my selection below for any occasion! Bisous! x
